Anxiety just stole a month of my life. It happened slowly at first. Quietly it seeped its way into the nooks of my mind until suddenly last night I found myself in bed, shaking, exhausted and sleepless. It was the side effect of a nasal spray prescribed by my ENT, an effort to stave off the annual 4 month sinus infection I get when the weather turns. I have an auto-immune disorder – which means that my body goes into overdrive when trying to heal and attacks itself. To put it mildly, it totally sucks. Anyhow, back to the nose spray… I knew it set me a bit on edge when I first started it but it WORKED. “So what if I feel a bit keyed up?! At least I’m not sick.”
I’d do almost anything not to be sick.
But anxiety is not something that you should ignore no matter how bad the alternative is. It got to the point where I felt like I was going mad. I felt overwhelmed, guilty, and worthless. Luckily, I know myself well enough that I decided to stop the spray last night. I made an appointment to see my doc asap to ask for an alternate medication. Within about 12 hours I felt the real me returning – like a flower blooming in the early morning sun. I can’t believe I waited so long. It wasn’t worth it.
I am grateful that all it took was one step to cure my anxiety. I am lucky. I do realise that some people suffer with it every day. Those people are not weak, they are warriors. That shit is hardcore. Anxiety sufferers of the world: I salute you. May you find your peace. Do whatever it takes. Don’t listen to your anxiety, listen to me: Keep looking for a way to feel yourself again. Keep loving yourself. You are worth it.